hungry, angry, lonely tore-up tired
So it’s Christmas Eve on a New Blue Moon Monday at my workplace—we have spent the past couple of years preparing for this multi-day event that is make-or-break for me and my colleagues professionally. I have been up for 36 hours or so, with a couple of cat naps here and there. Haven’t been able to get to a meeting in a week (though I’ve been in contact with my sponsor &etc, and he agrees that work right now is where I need to be).
But I am sooooo tired. And last night, around 2:00am, a volunteer (adorable girl in her early 20s) said “I’ll be right back, I’ve got to put my patch on, I’m going to sleep.” I didn’t understand at first, but long story short—she has Adderall patches. When she explained to me, the first thought in my mind was “I want one.”
And I did. But it took me about ten seconds to play that tape through, and knew that if I had one, I would want 400, covering every square inch of my body. I would probably start licking them. I’m not sure what happens when you try to smoke a transdermal patch, but I bet I would find out.
I also knew that as soon as I had the first one, I would have to leave this thing that I’ve been being paid for years to prepare and be present for, so I could get on the internet and act out sexually. I would have had to tell them I was going home “sick.” And I would have been right.
But I didn’t. I played the tape through, I laughed, and I will get to get some sleep tonight.


