a part of, or apart from?

I heard someone talking today about covenants. It was in a context outside of recovery, but being one of those people, I quickly put it in a recovery context.

What covenants have I entered into? What commitments have I made to my recovery, to keeping what I have gained, to improving my spiritual condition? What have I done to let anyone (besides a few people I’m close to, and people who read this blog) even know how my recovery is going? Is there anyone I’m accountable to? Or responsible for?

Um, until yesterday (at my new sponsor’s urgent suggestion), I didn’t even have an official home group, and my service was minimal (at best).

In the community I live in, the recovery community is just weird. It’s a very small town, but as a result of its proximity to a treatment center, there is a disproportionate number of meetings, residential facilities, etc, here. But it is very straight, very conservative. And, I’m not.

My outsideryness isn’t just in meetings, but that is where I have felt it the most. I’ve been going to meetings pretty much daily in this town for eight months, and I have yet to be invited to fellowship after a meeting. I’m a fairly approachable person… I come early and stay late when I can, I share….. but, the old-timers club it together or go home, and the treatment folks get in their vans and go back to wherever they go. I haven’t really had a lingering or festering resentment, but I can’t say it hasn’t flared up from time to time.

I have plenty of people I can talk to on the phone in other places, but as of this moment, there really isn’t anyone in my town I feel comfortable calling up and saying Can you meet me for a cup of coffee, I need to talk? And, the responsibility (as usual) is mine.

Regardless of what I think others should or shouldn’t have done, my reaction is my responsibility. And my sponsor (thankfully) is pushing me into action.

I have joined a home group, and requested a service position.

I am finally joining the (local) recovery community. About time, right? Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, sometimes you just need to get off your ass and take some action even if it means being uncomfortable and taking a chance……  At least if you’re this addict.

The commitment I had made to my recovery was one between me and recovery, not between me and other people. Now, I’ll see what happens.